Do I Need to Come to Camp with a Friend?
One of the most frequent concerns I hear from parents considering camp is that their child doesn’t know anyone coming. “He will come,” they often say, “if I can find a friend for him to go with.” It’s a reasonable concern, certainly, but it’s also one that I wish could go away- or at least take a back seat. I assume that the friends any child has now at one point had to be “made”- we aren’t born with friends after all! So, it begs the question- just how does one make friends at Camp, or anywhere for that matter? My answer to this is rather simple: just be one.
In the video below, we asked a series of Camp Mishawaka friends just what it is about the relationships they’ve developed at Camp that makes them so special and enduring after such a relatively short period of time. The answers vary, but they all share common threads- awareness, acceptance and that time honored aspiration of being in the moment. In other words, they make strong friendships because they are in a position to be a caring friend in return.
Does Camp work without bringing a friend? I offer a resounding yes- and often it works best. Don’t get me wrong- I am not dissuading campers from bringing a friend to Camp. By all means- bring friends! But the point I am trying to make is that by not bringing a friend, a camper is at no disadvantage to having a successful summer, or making a meaningful, new, friendship.
I have taken to asking parents who are concerned about their child making a friend (or not making a one) at Camp to reflect on how they formed friendships as a child. What were the factors; where did they take root; how did they develop; and what made them last (or end)? Personally, I don’t recall any long-lasting ones that were arranged or orchestrated. They developed organically as part of shared interests or adventures, sometimes serendipitously or by accident. Whether they continued relies on whether or not the relationship included what social scientists might call “reciprocal altruism”- you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours. To make a friend, you’ve got to be a friend.
I’d like to think that all of us have “that friend” - the one you call when your tire is flat, or your spirits are low and count on aid, and you always pick right up where you left off. And what I’ve found is that more often than not, for former campers, that friend was made at camp. Why? Because campers not only make friends at Camp, but they also have the time and space to really be one.. But don’t just take my word for it- listen to the voices of these kids!
“I thought I’d make like one friend, now everyone knows me. Wow.”