Dad- Put Your Phone Down. What Happens When Your Kid Calls You Out on Your Phone Use!
My wife, Julie, and I have a little game we play while we watch a movie or stream the latest show. We call each other out for being on our phones. Since she may well read this, I will admit that I probably spend more time with my eyes on the small screen. But the truth is, both of us are sucked into work, messaging, or just doom scrolling when we are (ostensibly) doing something together. There has been great concern about kids’ addiction to their phones, but if the truth were to be revealed, I suspect that many adults are just as tied to their devices as their kids, if not more, present company included!
In the movie “The Social Dilemma”, former (and reformed) Facebook executive (and former Mishawaka camper), Tim Kendall, shares his “aha” moment when his own phone overuse became evident to him. His young children were in the next room marking some milestone, and he was in the pantry checking his feeds. I think his kids were too young to call him out, but I imagine he knew that some day they could. He has gone on to advocate for sensible restrictions on phone usage.
In a recent article in the Washington Post, with the succinct title, “The Distinct Mortification of Being Phone-Shamed by your Kid” the author recounts the story of a Dad, busted by his kids for texting while driving, who promised that if they saw him doing it again, he would throw it out the window. It did happen again, and after a bit of back and forth (the phone was brand new!) and pulling safely to the side of the road, the repeat offender tossed his phone. His kids cheered! (Albeit, he ejected it on a quiet street and in a lush yard, safe for a later retrieval) The father reported after the fact that kids were satisfied with his penance and he has learned his lesson.
Kids are experts at spotting double standards, and our own grown children still call us out on our phone use, just as often (if not more) than we call them out. Do as I say, not as I do, never really worked for me as a parent, or a camp director! I continue to have great respect for the kids who come to Camp and go phone free for anywhere from 14 to 56 days. For the most part, they do it willingly, and many cite the absence of their phones as one of the greatest aspects of Camp. A great majority of them take the phones back reluctantly when I hand them out at the airport. In no small way, I think a phone-free environment is one of the considerations parents make when sending their child to Camp Mishawaka.
During the summer I carry my phone everywhere I go. It’s a wonderful tool for solving problems, keeping track of things, and being notified in good time about running toilets or impending bad weather. But often I find myself on the phone more than I need to be. I haven’t been called out by campers, but I do get a side-eye from time to time. I understand. Getting called out by a kid, whether it is your own child or one you are taking care of for a summer, brings a certain amount of shame. We’re the leaders. We’re the ones setting the example, right? But as I have come to learn in my time as a Camp Director, kids have a lot to teach us about example and responsibility - if we would just put down our phones and listen!
Tonight’s movie, and my wife, will get my full attention. It’s not fun being called out by a spouse, either 😀